The only thing more difficult to figure out than Kentucky Derby betting odds are race horses’ names. I remember when I used to tend bar at the Legitimate Businessman’s Social Club. One day, Fat Tony asks me to pick a horse for the third race. I didn’t know anything about horse racing, so I says to the guy, I says to him to “eat my shorts.” You know what he said? He said Eat My Shorts was in the fifth race. Still, some people go solely by name when placing a wager.
2016 Kentucky Derby Betting Odds
1. Mohaymen (+650). The name is Arabic but the horse is actually American, so no need to worry about a certain presidential candidate deporting him.
2. Nyquist (+250). If you’re going to name a horse after a hockey player, Gretzky should be the only option.
3. Mor Spirit (+900). At least Nyquist is better than naming your horse after an 89-year-old lady.
4. Exaggerator . If I bet on horses – which I don’t – I would put my money on this horse, if only he were named Frog Exaggerator.
5. Gun Runner (+550). Why go with the generic Gun Runner, when you could have gone with Adnan Khashoggi, Viktor Bout, or Pierre Beaumarchais.
6. Danzing Candy (+1000). Similar to Exaggerator, I would fully support this horse if he were called Danzig Candy.
7. Mo Tom (+1800). Mo’ Tom, Mo’ Money?
8. Shagaf (+2500). Shagaf sounds like a great name for a Street Fighter character, so it gets a thumbs up.
9. Cherry Wine (+4000). He’s my cherry wine, put a smile on your face ten miles wide, looks so good bring a tear to your eye, sweet cherry wine.
10. Brody’s Cause (+1400). This is a very enigmatic horse. Who is Brody? And what is his cause? I hope he wins if it means we’ll find out.
11. Whitmore (+1400). Is it pronounced witmore, or hwitmore?
12. Tom’s Ready (+4000). I’m a little intrigued, is this horse’s name Tom and he’s telling us that he is ready, or is he telling us that Mo Tom (see above) is ready?
13. Destin (+1000). Once again, why not go all out and name this horse Destin Onka Malonga? It rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?
14. Outwork (+1000). Gets points for the reference to 16th century military architecture.
15. Trojan Nation. In case you don’t know your Illiad, the Trojans lost.
16. Suddenbreakingnews (+1400). Isn’t sudden and breaking a little too redundant?
17. My Man Sam (+1800). Just a bit too close to I Am Sam.
18. Oscar Nominated (+5000). Like I Am Sam, the Oscar-baiting is just too obvious.
19. Lani (+2400). ). As the only Japanese horse in the Derby, Lani is obviously an underdog – but so was Daniel-san in Karate Kid.
20. Majesto. Sounds like a comic book super villain, which is always good.